BigGirlz,
What the what?
There’s a reason he hasn’t made a move to seal the deal. You see, without saying a word, we allow ourselves to be available at all times. We answer calls, texts, emails and engage in anytime of the day or night conversations. We constantly share hopes, dreams and wishes. As long as there’s a connection of some sort both parties are content. Contentment without any visible progress toward “more”; ladies that is the f****** Friend Zone. We get placed or even worse, we place ourselves in the Friend Zone. One of the best quotes I’ve heard as it relates to dating is: “if you can’t seem to find the girl or guy that completes you, try looking in your friend zone.” Why is that, well as usual I have a theory. We get caught up in the Glamour and Glitz of our own fantasy world. In that world, we’ve created the most unrealistic mate and lifestyle imaginable. We create standards that are not only out of reach for a mate but even ourselves. PERIOD! Sorry BigGirlz, but real s*** ain’t always glamorous. Now let that sink in for a bit.
So let’s unpack this shall we. How, no…WHY we have allowed ourselves to sit comfortably in the friend zone, damn well knowing we want, desire and absolutely deserve more? My theory, we accept this placement for three reasons: Boredom, Fear and/or Low self-esteem
Ahhhh…boredom. In the past and trust me that past wasn’t very long ago, I would often refer to dating as something or someone to do because I was bored. So I would stay in contact with various people on a “just-in-case” basis. You know what I mean, make a random phone call and make up a lie. Something along the lines of “Hey was that your truck coming out of…” or “Listen I got a bike question for you” and then my favorite “Do you know anyone who fixes (you fill in the blank)”, full well knowing the conversation would steamroll from there. Again, I didn’t have anything else to do and that call would; keep the connection going, fill up some of my empty space and keep me fresh on his mind whether I wanted him or not. So I placed myself in the Friend Zone, just to be safe. Again, “just in case” I change my mind regarding that person(s). Guys do it so I figured why not? Now, I didn’t say the s*** was right or fair. FYI since karma is pretty accurate; I suggest you pick your victims wisely.
Anywho…
Another reason, I feel we piddle around in the Friend Zone is pure unadulterated fear. Fear of what? Fear of being alone. News flash, if your ass is in the Friend Zone, guess what, YOU ARE ALONE!!!! BigGirlz we have got to stop this madness. We get so focused on being alone that we become paralyzed within a temporary condition. Now I hear you grumbling already. “How do you know…” and “I’ve been waiting FOREVER…” BLAH BLAH BLAH. Ok “Miss Forever”, exactly how are you waiting? What are you doing while in this phase? Are you emitting vibes of desperation? You do realize men can smell/sense that shit, right? Trust me, they can. I mean, I get it. Everyone, ok not everyone but most people want someone to share their meaningful moments. But swimming in the Friend Zone short changes you. To be honest, while you are accepting the baby bits tossed out by Mr. Temporary, you could very well be missing out on Mr. LongTerm. Bottom line, get cho ass out of there!!
And now this last reason, for occupying the Friend Zone is low self-esteem. SHITTTT!!!!! Ok, I had to get that out. BigGirlz BigGirlz, society, family and fake-ass friends really have done a number on our psychic huh? Many of us look put-together, strong and ready to take on the world on the outside but truly are a mess on the inside. We’ve tried it all and at some point we failed to keep our esteem intact. Now I’m not referring to those who have moments of self-doubt but find ways to dig, pull and scratch their way out. Hell that comes in all shapes and sizes. No, I’m talking about the BigGirlz who live in a state of “I’m not good enough ever” gloom and doom stuff. Again, STOP IT!!!! If you continue to feed yourself that garbage, then eventually you won’t be good enough, not for the future him or the current you.
So how do you get out of Friend Zone Purgatory? First, you have to want to get out. If he only views you as a friend, be that in a limited capacity. Cut off or at least reduce your availability. You don’t owe him your time and you’re not required to be there to fill his downtime. Screw that!!!
Second, stop stringing people along. If you don’t want his ass then let him go. Listen, if you’re not sure then have an honest conversation with the “just in case”. Give it true evaluation. Third and what I feel is most important, get real with yourself, decide what it is you really want and get your ass off the fence. Remember, no decision is a decision. Participate in your own damn destiny, GEEZ!
As women, often times we forget to make ourselves a priority. We’re so busy taking care of others that we neglect us. The time is now BigGirlz, if you want bigger, better and more than you have to grow a pair (you know what that means) and TRY! Conquer the mind and thoughts, then you will find yourself in a better and more productive zone. Grow, foster and nurture self-confidence (a women’s most sexy trait). Begin building your life around you and the rest will fall in place.
I’m moving on to the next on, screw the Friend Zone; I have better things to do…
